A crisis in a relationship can appear suddenly, it can accumulate for months and even years, and when it hits ... save yourself who can. Sometimes, for the sake of ourselves and our children, we try to explain everything to ourselves, control strong emotions and live as if nothing happened. Is "sweeping" problems under the rug a good way? How to survive a relationship crisis?
The causes of the quarrel
There can be many reasons for a family quarrel. The problem is that find out what causes our irritability, what annoys us, angers and annoys us in relations with our partner. If we find out, it will be easier to find a solution and overcome the crisis.
And yes, the reason for the crisis may be that:
- The husband / partner is not involved in raising children, leaving the whole house on his wife's head. She, in turn, would like to pursue herself professionally, but does not quite know how when she has small children.
- Arguments can also affect the pupils themselves - because they are "rude", because they do not sleep when we would like to, because they scream, because they cry, because they did not do their homework, because they did not return home at the appointed time, because ...
- Money appears on the other side of the barricade, the lack of which can irritate and provoke anger.
- However, quarrels can also cause our feelings about our appearance, problems at work or well-being.
Instead of talking about it, we scream and attack because we are convinced that the other side will not understand anything. We reiterate mistakes and sometimes also talk about ending a relationship. As if it was the golden mean for all evil. Will it help if we are all alone?
Quiet days and what's next
Quiet days and a lack of any relationship do not help the relationship. On the contrary, they make us move further apart. Instead of loosening your ties and hoping that everything will work out somehow, it's worth taking matters into your own hands and starting to act.
How to survive the crisis?
When we find the reason for our quarrels, it is worth realizing one more thing. Look at the relationship as a whole that He and She create. And the fault is usually on both sides. Once we understand this, it's worth talking.
Conversation can bring some kind of purification. Thanks to it we will learn the position of the other party and we will know how our relationship looks like. However, also when trying to make contact and clarify growing problems, there may be short circuits.
If you start to interrupt yourself and raise your voice, this conversation may not do anything good. What's more, instead of helping, it can do even more harm. Sit at a common table in a calm mood, calm and ready to listen, not just geeks to point out someone else's mistakes. Do not raise your voice, listen to each other and accept criticism.
What is worth remembering in a relationship?
It doesn't matter what your relationship is. At each stage, it is worth considering why you are together. It is also important to solve problems among themselves, not suppress negative emotions and wait until they pass by themselves. If something annoys us, hurts and torments us - let's talk about it. Let's talk about work problems, anxiety, doubts and fear. Thanks to this, we will throw it away and it will be easier for us to face them.
Relationship is also important acceptance and small pleasures. Accepting the advantages and disadvantages of the partner. Having children, sometimes it is difficult to spend some time alone. Go to the cinema, to a restaurant or even for an hour walk. Such moments help to "recharge the batteries" and look at the world a little differently.
- According to a study by American psychotherapists John and Julie Gottman, nearly 70% of couples complain of a decrease in marriage satisfaction during the first 12 months after the birth of their first child. Interestingly, the greatest decrease in marriage satisfaction occurred in those couples where a girl was born.
- Polish women are dissatisfied with the level of partners' involvement in the home and children. And Poles openly admit that they are satisfied with the current division of duties - shows the latest study "Division of duties in the Polish family 2013".
- "I doubt if there is at least one woman in the world who did not want to part with her partner at least once during the first year since the birth of the child" www.parents.berkley.edu. You can add: I doubt if there is at least one woman and a man who after the birth of a child do not want to pack and go to rest for a few days.
- The crisis of the first child repeatedly leads to breakups, divorces or degradation of relationships.
- It is estimated that housework involves around 40 additional hours of work per week.
- The birth of the first child is a turning point for most couples.
And what ways do you have for a crisis in a relationship? What helps you to endure difficult times?